


By her side

by melinduhmay



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, Phil Coulson & Melinda May Friendship, Post-Bahrain (Agents of SHIELD)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:47:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27027574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melinduhmay/pseuds/melinduhmay
Summary: Melinda May is broken after the events of the Bahrain Mission. She completely shuts herself off from everyone except for Phil Coulson.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	By her side

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Philinda one shot! My heart broke for May while writing this.
> 
> Thank you to my amazing friend @TabiCatt who agreed to beta this.

It was clear to say that Bahrain had changed Melinda. The woman who was usually warm, someone who would crack jokes with her friends, was now staring into space with a blank expression, her face stained from tears. She had gone straight to her bunk when they arrived back at the base. She was still shaking but wasn’t crying. She hadn’t cried since she broke down in the ambulance. She was numb. She hadn't told anybody what happened in there. She couldn't bring herself to tell anybody, what she had to do, what broke part of her.

Phil was standing outside the room, contemplating whether or not to intrude. If she answered what would he say to her? Would she even let him come in? He had seen her enter her room earlier when they arrived back. He was worried about her. He didn’t want her to be alone. He decided to just knock, hoping she would answer him. He had to see if she was okay, she was his best friend, she had always been there for him and now it was his turn to be there for her. He did promise Andrew he would take care of her. He wouldn't break that promise.

He didn’t hear a reply but he turned the knob of the door, slowly walking into the room anyway. His heart broke as his eyes settled on the woman before him, the beautiful face he knew so well somehow entirely different to how he normally saw it, the light behind her eyes dimmed as she stared into space, numb to the world as she got caught in her thoughts. He expected her to be quiet, she barely said a word on the plane ride home. They had sat in an almost oppressive silence, both wanting to reach out to get to each other. He had to force her to get checked out with the ambulance before they left. "Melinda–" He began, coming a little closer to her. He made sure to talk in a soft, quiet voice. He didn't want to trigger anything. "Are you alright?" He asked, knowing it was a stupid question to ask. She obviously wasn't okay. This wasn’t the May he was used to. Right now she would be talking to him, possibly making a joke about something.

If she was speaking to anybody else she might just be able to lie about how she was feeling. It would certainly be easier, to lie, she couldn't even get her head around it herself as of yet. A whirlwind of emotions were rushing through her and she couldn't seem to clutch onto any of them other than of a feeling of wrongness. What she had done could not be right. But this was Phil, the person who knew everything about her. He would know straight away if she was lying. She shook her head to answer his question, the expression in her face and eyes said it all. If she spoke she would be unable to form the words to explain She wasn't alright at all. She hadn't left her room since they arrived back. She didn't speak. She hadn't even called Andrew. She knew he would ask her questions and try to console her over the phone. She didn't deserve to be consoled. She didn't feel she had the right to the time anyone would put into her, she had failed, she deserves the pain she is feeling. She couldn't help Katya, she was just a child.

Slowly, he sat down on her bed, close enough to pull her into a hug. “Is it alright if I hug you?” He asked, getting a small nod in response. She definitely needed one right now. He felt her body tense up at first, he thought she was going to try to pull away. But after a minute she sank into him, her head buried into his shoulder. He could feel the tension in the way she held her shoulders, the pain in her soul in the way she eventually wrapped her arms around him like he was a lifeboat and she was drowning. She tried to hold back her sobs, wanting to stay strong. But as he hugged her tighter she eventually gave in,letting out loud, breathless sobs just as she did when she came out of the building.

Phil held her, letting her cry. It was best to let her cry, it was healthy to let your emotions out. May was never someone who spoke about her emotions, she wasn't someone that talked much at all. She bottled up all her emotions. He was worried they would overwhelm her. She was one of the strongest women he knew but everyone needed to know how to let go sometimes, to let their emotions out.

It was hard for him, seeing his best friend like this, in this state. He wished he could switch places with her and somehow take all the pain she was feeling away. He didn't know what went on in there, he probably would never know. But that was okay, right now Melinda needed him and that's where he was going to be, right by her side.


End file.
